“5 Things That Will Instantly Mortally Wound Your Child On The Inside”

There are a few things I’m sure of, here. I’m sure people have good intentions when they write these kinds of articles/blog posts. I’m sure you’ve seen your Attachment Parenting friends share a post titled something along the lines of “5 Things You Should Never Say to Your Child or You’ll Damage Their Psyche Forever”. Or maybe your Buck-Up-And-Shut-Up Parenting friends shared something that sounds a little like “5 Ways You’ve Made Your Child a Big Fat Mama’s Boy Forever and Now, No Woman Will Ever Marry Him”.

I’m also sure that these posts are awful, terrible and altogether the worst.

Here’s me reading those “don’t ever say these 5 things” kinds of posts…

After reading #1: “Oops”

#2: “Crap.”

#3: “Again?!”

#4: “AM I AMERICA’S WORST MOTHER?!”

#5: “Hello? Yes. I’m just calling to find out what you charge for hourly child counseling.”

And then me reading the “5 ways you’ve turned your kids into babies forever” posts…

#1: “Yep.”

#2: “Awesome.”

#3: “Did that one, too.”

#4: “I’ve said that at least 10 times since breakfast.”

#5: “Cool. Now, where did I put that counselor’s phone number?”

Like I said, I’m sure people have the best intentions when they write and/or share these types of “helpful” bits of information. It’s a similar sentiment found in the 8,000 different and contradicting parenting method books out there.

“Put your baby in his own bed immediately. Cosleeping will result in death.”

“Cosleep for eternity. They’ll be ruined without you.”

“Let them potty train only when they show these signs.”

“Just dangle them over the toilet from birth. Diapers are torture.”

“Children need 3 cups of milk a day.”

“Milk will kill your child.”

See what I mean? Despite common rantings, there’s more than one good way to raise a child. If I were to write a parenting book or article, this and this alone would be found inside:

“Love your children. Watch your mouth. Have self-control. Forgive yourself and forgive them. Be cautious but not afraid.

And stop reading stupid crap. The End.”

hilarioustmb

11 thoughts on ““5 Things That Will Instantly Mortally Wound Your Child On The Inside”

  1. I completely agree. My number one rule for parents is do what works for you. If you love your kids, educate yourself, and follow your instincts you will be fine. In fact, if you are worried about being a good parent, then by default you probably are. There are many different paths to get to the same destination. Cheers!

  2. Pingback: “5 Things That Will Instantly Mortally Wound Your Child On The Inside” | As It Happens…

  3. All very true. Sometimes I’ll correct or discipline my child then feel guilty that it might not have been the best approach. Maybe even a horribly wrong approach. But then I realize as long as I’m trying my best, most parents out there are probably doing the same. I think I’m doing something right because I have a pretty happy kid!

  4. I am so totally appreciating your perspective on this right now! There IS way too much out there telling us what to do as parents and constantly making moms feel guilty. While it is well intentioned, I’m feeling like when people write those things they should just be up front about what it’s really about: themselves. I know I’m way more receptive (and less annoyed) when other moms just share their own experiences and leave me to evaluate instead of concocting another list of “shoulds.”

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